You have no idea.
My grandmother who lives with us is dieing of cancer. And its really heartbreaking to watch her become so gaunt and lifeless. I don't want to lose her.

You have no idea.
I'm in a phase where everything I do or try to do is never good enough for me. I want to be good at golf, but i cant ever pull everything together at a match. I want to be good at swimming, but swimming would overpower the golf time. Therefore I can't balance it out. I want to be a good daughter, but I feel I don't apreciate my parents enough. I want to be a good friend, but i keep pushing people away.

You have no idea.
I feel like I've singlehandedly managed to alienate myself from everyone I know. I can barely talk to my best friends. They won't talk to me, and I am way to scared to say anything to try and fix it. Yes, I give off a care-free attitude, but I am so scared of what I've done that I digust myself.

You have no idea.
I like to think of myself as a musician, but right now, I haven't practiced enough to improve. If I do improve its at such a slow rate its barely noticeable. I want to get better but I won't practice, I know I need to but i neglect it.

When people meet me they get this illusion that I put up. I have never shown the real me in so long, that I barely know myself anymore. Its really sad. I want to be truthful to people, I want to be the best friend/daughter/golfer/swimmer/student/m usician I can be, but right now, I don't even meet up to my own standards.